Neanderthals thriving in local nightclubs

NEANDERTHALS did not die out but are still trying it on in town centre nightclubs, it has emerged.

Wetherspoon's to open human zoo

JD WETHERSPOON is to open a zoo showcasing unusual and endangered humans, just off the M40.

Companies that do boring things prefer 2:2 graduates

EMPLOYERS offering dull jobs favour graduates with 2:2 degrees.

Guardian Soulmates officially the middle class Page 3

THE Guardian website's dating section is Page 3 for middle earners, it has been confirmed.

London property market based on people pretending grim places are great

A SHIT flat in London now costs £500,000 thanks to widespread delusion about whether a property is really depressing.

Britain’s top aggro destinations revealed

A TOURISM body has produced a list of Britain’s best destinations for aggressive, anti-social behaviour.

98 per cent of people you went to school with are racist

ALMOST everyone that anyone has been to school with is a bigot, according to new research.