Children evil

CHILDREN'S love of Halloween proves that they are innately evil, it has been claimed.

Teenagers to be educated by historically accurate porn

ONLINE pornography must have detailed historical settings, according to new government guidelines.

Fun not achievable in adulthood

FUN for adults is a myth, it has emerged.

Train travel complainants are Britain's fastest-growing fetish group

BRITONS are increasingly getting sexual gratification from complaining about train travel.

Professor Xavier defends free school

THE headteacher of a free school has denied it over-emphasises superpowers.

Probability of surviving today virtually zero

BRITONS must today face either the deadly weather or poisonous spiders.

Everyone assigned something to worry about

EACH household in Britain will be given a thing to be absolutely terrified about.

Retired people flooding UK with shit art

BRITAIN'S retired people are producing overwhelming amounts of poor quality artwork, experts have warned.