Society

Most ‘banter’ actually just people talking shit

THE vast majority of the UK’s ‘banter’ fails to meet basic levels of pithiness, experts have revealed.

May to purge Britain of people who steal toilet paper from work 


THERESA May has launched a brutal crackdown on people who steal toilet rolls from their employers.

Working classes now eating Viennetta 


WORKING class families are now eating Vienetta for dessert, it has been revealed.

You may as well start looting now, say experts

EVERYTHING is falling apart so you should get a head start on your looting, experts have confirmed.

Man from Leeds doesn't know everyone from Leeds

A MAN from Leeds has been forced to explain he does not know every one of the city’s 766,000 residents personally.

Woman enters third week of battling Starbucks latte

A WOMAN is beginning to make headway on the enormous frothy cup in front of her.

UK exhausted from arguing with Brexit f**kwits

MILLIONS of Britons are physically exhausted after spending what feels like decades arguing with people who do not understand anything.

Another triumph for democracy, sighs Britain

THE appointment of a new prime minister 14 months after it barely elected a different one has Britain once again marvelling at democracy.