Local hardman being unnervingly festive

A DANGEROUS local thug is confusing people by wearing a Santa hat and being less threatening, it has emerged.

Friend borrows DVD in full knowledge he will never give it back

A MAN has borrowed a DVD from his friend knowing full well he will never return it.

Drinking alone great, lone drinkers confirm

DRINKING alone does not deserve its bad reputation, according to solo drinkers already on their second bottle of wine.

Pub quiz not treated with appropriate level of seriousness

A PUB quiz team treated the event as if it were lighthearted fun, it has emerged.

Rail companies declare war on Christmas passengers

BRITAIN’S rail companies have declared all out war on anyone travelling at Christmas.

Genius sees straight through commercialisation of Christmas

A VISIONARY who has seen through all the sentimental dressing to the cold, capitalist heart of Christmas is telling everyone to wake up.

Britain prepares to ignore nuts

BRITONS are gearing up to paying no attention whatsoever to large bowls of nuts.

Graduate repossessed by Student Loans Company

BAILIFFS have repossessed a graduate on the grounds that he will never earn enough to repay his student loan, it has emerged.