Society
Herbal Highs Will Soon Be As Rare As Heroin, Say Experts
GOVERNMENT plans to ban so called 'herbal highs' will make the drugs as rare as a largely forgotten narcotic known as heroin, experts claimed last night.
Cotswolds WI shoots hardcore charity calendar
A GROUP of retirement-age women from a Cotswold village have produced a charity calendar featuring a Chicago three-way, two golden shake-downs and a carefully choreographed 'Dutch steamboat'.
Terminally Ill Woman Wins Right To Be Blown Up By The Army
A TERMINALLY-ill woman has won a landmark court victory giving her the right to be blown up by the Army.
Londoners Edge Closer To Reading Books
THE closure of The London Paper has pushed the capital's commuters one step closer to reading books or perhaps even talking to each other, it was claimed last night.
UK X-Files Confirm British Cretins Among Best In World
MINISTRY of Defence files detailing decades of UFO sightings have confirmed that Britain's imbeciles are as good as anyone's, including America's.
Crystal Meth 'Probably Not A Good Idea'
FORMER users of the super-speed that can make you chew your legs off have spoken out to say that, on balance, it is probably best avoided.
Gypsies Handed £5m To Get On Daily Mail Readers' Tits
BRITAIN'S Romany gypsies have been given a £5 million grant to do whatever they want as long as it infuriates the shit out of Daily Mail readers.
Raffles Appalled
ARTHUR Raffles, the gentleman thief, last night launched a withering attack on the two men who raided a London jewellers, describing them as 'cads, ruffians and brutish ne'er-do-wells'.