Legal highs to join list of long-forgotten banned substances

THE government is to continue its successful policy of banning drugs with 'legal highs' joining other obsolete substances like heroin and ecstasy.

Thermal imaging proves capitalism doesn't work

FOOTAGE from a thermal imaging camera has proved that capitalism is not actually working.

Number of other buggers hits seven billion

EARTH'S spiraling human population will soon make it impossible to get even five minutes' peace, it has been claimed.

Pippa Middleton's arse hits new £50 note

THE design of the new £50 note will replace the first governor of the Bank of England with Pippa Middleton’s buttocks, it has been announced.

Parents braced for ill-fated days out

WITH half term looming, Britain's parents are steeling themselves for day trips that will inevitably end with at least one child weeping uncontrollably.

Saucy librarian fraud exposed

THOUSANDS of young women wearing large-framed glasses are not actually repressed nymphomaniacs, it has been revealed.

Revolution based on film based on comic

THE growing citizens' revolution across the western world is based on a Natalie Portman film that is based on a comic, it has emerged.

Dale Farm eviction brings out best in everyone

THE eviction of the Dale Farm travellers' site has really brought out Britain's good side, it has been confirmed.