Pizza Express tips going to radical pro-middle class group

TIPS given to waiters in Pizza Express are funding the middle class equivalent of Class War, it has emerged.

Man theoretically buys homeless person a sandwich

A WOULD-BE good Samaritan is theoretically up for buying a homeless person something to eat.

Jargon makes you sound clever, say idiots

BRITAIN’S idiots have defended their right to use jargon instead of intelligence.

Songs of Praise ‘can only be filmed in Surrey’

SONGS of Praise must always be broadcast from lovely parish churches in rural Surrey, it has been claimed.

People who live in Harrogate very easily pleased, say experts

EXPERTS have dismissed a survey naming Harrogate as the happiest town in Britain.

Children's top job is striking tube driver

CHILDREN want to grow up to be tube train drivers refusing to work pending negotiations, it has emerged.

Police relying on karma to punish criminals

CRIMINALS do not need to be caught because their bad karma will catch up with them, according to the police.

Cafe customer torn between wanting specific bit of cake and looking like a dick

A WOMAN has found herself torn over whether to pinpoint the specific slice of cake that she would like.