Gay marriage will affect things that don't matter, reveals Tebbit

GAY marriage could force Britain to read about a newly married lesbian queen opening a hospital, it has emerged.

Gay people to continue having lots of hot sex

BRITAIN'S gay men and women have defied angry Tories by taking their gayness to a new and hotter level.

Warn young children about Daily Mail sidebar, say experts

CHILDREN should be warned about Femail Today as soon they have access to the internet, it has been claimed.

Male aggression caused by chafing

STOCKY men are aggressive because their clothes are constantly chafing.

Older workers kept alive by hate

PEOPLE who don't retire live longer because they are fuelled by hatred for their co-workers.

Science fiction fans now harder than football fans

SCIENCE fiction conventions are attracting more hard bastards than football matches, it has emerged.

Most men 'don't know what masculinity is'

MOST British men have no idea what masculinity would actually involve, it has been confirmed.