No good chocolate bars since 1981

EVERY chocolate bar invented since the Wispa has been either uninspired or disgusting, it has emerged.

App shows all the dead people around you

A NEW smartphone app combines geolocation and the paranormal to show all the ghosts in your vicinity.

Children naturally awful

KIDS are dreadful regardless of whether they've had sugar, it has emerged.

Cameron to tackle homelessness with hyenas 

BRITAIN'S homeless people are to be eaten by imported carnivores, it has emerged.

Harman and Mail are two sides of the same screeching moron, say experts

HARRIET Harman and the Daily Mail are two sides of the same unbearable coin, experts have confirmed.

Conspiracy theory OK until the bit about Jews

A CONSPIRACY theory outlined by office worker Tom Logan was fine until it edged into anti-Semitism, according to his colleagues.

We hate your music, say children

PRE-TEENS have confirmed they detest their father's music, especially The Pixies.

Praise for casserole enters third exhausting day

A CARLISLE woman has reiterated how lovely her boyfriend's beef stew was for the third day running.