Where’s our tax cut? ask paintballing sherry enthusiasts

PEOPLE who drink sherry after a vigorous afternoon of paintball have demanded a tax cut.

Bez standing for Parliament completes the de-normalisation of Britain

BRITAIN is now fully abnormal after Bez, the Happy Mondays dancing man, decided to stand for Parliament.

Worker reproduction to be made more affordable

WORKING humans are to receive financial assistance with the cost of breeding new additions to the labour pool.

New pound coin provokes tiresome pensioner nostalgia

THE 'thrupenny bit'-influenced £1 coin has left pensioners unable to shut up about how cheap everything used to be.

Left-handed people mostly not geniuses

FAVOURING your left hand does not mean you are some sort of creative genius.

40p taxpayers to get Pippa Middleton wedding invite

ASPIRATIONAL 40p-rate taxpayers can come to Pippa Middleton's wedding, George Osborne has announced.

HS2 money to be pissed away faster

THE government is being urged to quicken the pace at which it pisses away the HS2 budget.

Man owns nothing except brand new MacBook

27-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan has no possessions except a few clothes and a state-of-the-art Apple laptop, it has emerged.