Border hopefuls queueing long enough to gain citizenship

THE wait at Heathrow's border control is now so long that many become full UK citizens while queueing.

World's female population listed in order of attractiveness

ALL the world's women have been ranked by looks in a new list of The World's Sexiest Three Billion Ladies.


Cameron: I preferred Razzle to Knave

PRIME minister David Cameron has revealed his boyhood softcore porn preferences, including a penchant for 'grimy' Razzle.

Men not doing anything helpful until they get equal rights

MEN'S rights campaigners are refusing to lift a finger around the house until anti-male gender discrimination ends.

Cannabis farms funding badly-organised criminals

AN explosion in the number of cannabis farms is raking in millions for
flaky criminals who will either lose the money or spend it on snacks.

Cheery tube driver actually a pain in the arse

A LONDON underground driver who has been cheering up commuters with his amusing asides for over a decade is just a pain in the arse, it has been confirmed.

Britain borrowing way too much stuff

BRITAIN'S borrowing is out of control, with clothes, DVDs and cookware topping the list of things that need to be given back.

Catholic schools launch 'eurgh, benders' petition

PUPILS at Catholic schools are being encouraged to sign a petition against being a total bumpilot.