All state schools should be Nandos, says Cameron

DAVID Cameron wants state schools to offer a fast-casual educational experience inspired by the traditions of Mozambique.

Man sticking with hipster look because he passionately believes in values of hipsterism

A 28-YEAR-OLD man is staying with the tired ‘hipster’ look because he is passionate about the values of the hipster movement.

Best place to live is under the sea

THE best place to live in the UK is under its coastal waters, it has been confirmed.

Failure with opposite sex re-branded as celibacy

A 36-YEAR-OLD man has decided that his inability to find a sexual partner is actually a spiritual decision to remain celibate.

Everyone has a relative who 'can get you any car'

ALL Britons have a male relative who can get them any second hand car, it has emerged.

Jacket potatoes worried they are no longer part of the zeitgeist

BAKED potatoes are worried that their glory days are over, it has emerged.

New bedtime book makes children silent and motionless with fear

A POPULAR new bedtime book called Mr Daggerteeth is about a monster that eats children who make any sort of noise or movement during the night.

Student to get valuable life experience from moving to purpose-built luxury apartment

AN affluent degree student is nervously excited about moving from the parental home to a deluxe apartment with every possible amenity.