Leveson Inquiry a 'tawdry kiss-and-tell', say tabloid editors

LORD Leveson is guilty of the worst kind of gutter judicial inquiry, it was claimed last night.

Most churchgoers just there to steal copper off the roof

MORE people are visiting churches to steal metal than to worship, it has emerged.

Housing market is pretty much all we have left, admits Cameron

THE government is to boost the housing market because there really isn't anything else to do, it has been confirmed.

Elderly parents reveal plan to buy shit computer

YOUR ageing parents are planning to get themselves a 'computer with the internet' this Christmas, in a move that will ruin your life.

Experts warn of toast sandwich envy

BRITAIN could soon be torn apart by toast sandwich envy, it has been claimed.

Amount of alcohol thrown away by UK homes remains at zero

THE average British household is wasting no alcohol, according to new research.

John Lewis kid's gift to parents is list of ways they disappoint him

THE huge box the child in the John Lewis advert hands to his parents contains a detailed breakdown of how they have failed him, it has emerged.

Internet misogynists given chance to meet a woman

A GROUP of online trolls have been introduced to an actual woman for the first time, it has emerged.