TOP Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson is to host a new BBC fine arts show called That's Bollocks.
NO-ONE in the UK has passed the government's tough new citizenship test, with 85% of the country claiming that Winston Churchill is an artificial dog.
GRADUATES and school leavers are to be paid to monitor television between the hours of Trisha and Home & Away in a government bid to cut unemployment.
A NEW range of boutique 18% lagers are becoming the drink of choice for sophisticated urban professionals who really like a fight.
THOUSANDS of recession-hit holidaymakers are planning to ignore the rain, used condoms and one-eyed donkeys this summer in a desperate attempt to enjoy the great British seaside.