Society

Steiner schools blamed for this hat

THE Waldorf-Steiner education system is responsible for a piece of headgear that offends all aesthetic sensibilities, it has been claimed.

Bikes and cars fundamentally incompatible

THE combination of pedal-based transport and motor vehicles on roads is utterly insane, it has been confirmed.

Guardian-reading teacher suspended for tedious Facebook timeline

A TEACHER has been suspended after using her Facebook Timeline to expose pupils to the minutiae of her Guardian reading habits.

Drug lords back watered-down booze

PLANS to dilute alcoholic drinks have won the enthusiastic support of Britain's heroin kingpins.

Refusing to have fun now a sackable offence

TOUGH new policies on workplace fun will make enjoyment of group activities non-negotiable, it has emerged.

NHS to use frantic hand gestures

NHS staff are to start miming what they want to do to foreign patients in a bid to save money.

Dickens no longer relevant to thieving street orphans

THE works of Charles Dickens have nothing to offer London's 21st Century thieving underclass, say experts.

Panic as Britain Huhneless

BRITAIN is in the hands of a Huhneless government.