Paper cut sparks new swear words

A VICIOUS paper cut has been the catalyst for a string of new and creative obscenities, it has emerged.

Two pairs of boxers ample for week-long journey, confirm men

ONE change of undergarments is more than sufficient to maintain comfort and hygiene for seven days, men have asserted.

Clarkson explodes

JEREMY Clarkson, the veteran broadcaster and denim enthusiast, has exploded at news of the proposed 80mph motorway speed limit.

A-Level students to be ranked by similarity to Brian Glover

A-LEVEL students should be judged on both their grades and their likeness to stout Yorkshire actor Brian Glover, it has been claimed.

Barbaric children's cage fight also entertaining

A CAGE fight between two eight year-old boys has been condemned as utterly unmissable.

Rioters summer school will have loads of stuff worth nicking

A SUMMER school for rioters will be full of tellys and tracksuits, Nick Clegg has pledged.

Irish travellers 'have ancient right to ignore planning laws'

IRISH travelling folk will today reaffirm their ancient, mystic right not to have planning permission for their houses.

Busy parents ask schools to beat their children

ALMOST half the parents in Britain are so busy they need schools to beat their children for them.