'Foodies' congratulate themselves on ability to eat

THOUSANDS are self-styled 'foodies' are trumpeting their ability to orally process nutrients, it has emerged.

Imaginary Oxbridge is top university

THE imaginary Oxbridge that exists only in the heads of people obsessed with going there is the UK's top-ranked university.

Olympians bullied over footwear

ATHLETES with cheap or unfashionable trainers face bullying from their peers in the Olympic Village, it has been claimed.

A brief history of the Olympics

The Daily Mash presents the story of the Olympics, from its roots in the classical era to becoming a modern-day massive balls up.

Coe smashes 'biggest bollocking' world record

LONDON 2012 has announced its first world record after Lord Coe delivered the world's biggest bollocking to his senior management team.

Britain inexplicably popular

CENSUS researchers are baffled after it emerged that nearly four million more people are choosing to live in Britain than in 2001.

Government to spend £9 billion making trains even worse

THE government has unveiled a package of annoying bullshit designed to make Britain's rail system the most painful in the world.

Olympic volunteers given rocket launchers

UNPAID workers at the Olympic site will be given surface-to-air weapons and asked to look out for anything suspicious, it has been confirmed.