Lent ‘bollocks’

LENT is bollocks, it has been confirmed.

Internet argument resolved

AN ARGUMENT on the internet has been resolved to the satisfaction of both parties.

Childcare better value than mortgage, say parents

HAVING the children taken away for a bit is more important than having a house, according to parents.

Working class kids to get brioche, chalk paint and crippling anxiety

POOR children are being given the three key middle class things as part of a government bid to improve them.

Satan announces cut in soul prices

THE devil has announced a reduction in the fee paid for human souls.

'Couples' railcard traps thousands in hateful relationships

PEOPLE in damaging relationships will stay together to get a third off rail travel, it has been claimed.

Boris unveils latest obvious solution

BORIS Johnson has unveiled his newest idea that could not possibly go wrong.

Moleskine notebooks best for unfinished ideas

MOLESKINE notebooks are perfect for creative projects that will never be completed, according to aspiring writers.