BRITAIN is to be dipped in antiseptic after hearing the oozing testimony of Kelvin Mackenzie.
DOZENS of popular candidates have emerged for the first round of semi-voluntary lethal injections.
A CAT that has returned to its owners after spending a week missing cannot recall where it has been.
SMOKERS who officially gave up for 2012 have announced a few clarifications regards what 'giving up' actually means.
RACE has been named as today's topic about which Britain will talk angry, ill-informed shit.
MOST of Britain could cheerfully go on a three-day session after just one day back at work, it has emerged.
THE Daily Mail has today launched a five year plan to prevent exactly as much racism as it creates.
WOMEN MPs who get all dolled-up and pose for men's magazines are not taken seriously, experts have claimed.