NEW guidelines will give social workers the power to take children into care if their parents do not have tattoos of their names.
BRITONS would prefer it if television weather presenters gave them false hope.
THE Daily Mail has called on the government to stop sending money to poor foreigners when it could be used to replace carpets right here in Britain.
YOUTUBE clips of kids doing adorable things are being produced on an industrial scale.
METROPOLITAN police plan to use lager cannons on dangerously sober rioters.
MILLIONS of Britons who dreamed of a coastal cottage would now prefer something several hundred miles inland.
THE twisted troglodytes who inhabit London have been forced to expose themselves to daylight.
Official guidelines for safely handling encounters with white BMWs, Mercedes and Audis have been published by the Department of Transport.