London in grip of bearded coffee fanatics

AREAS of London are effectively no-go zones unless you know about specialist coffee, it has emerged.

Less beloved relatives getting inferior Christmas cards

BRITONS are coldly assessing the value of friends and relatives to decide what quality of Christmas card they should receive, it has emerged.

Britain has 36.4 million subtly different social classes

THE UK now has 36,402,339 different social classes, all of which can be detected and categorised in a face-to-face meeting in less than a minute.

Grey jumper counts as Christmas jumper, claims man

A MAN has argued that his grey jumper counts as a Christmas jumper because that is what Christmas feels like.

Man with ‘bullshit detector’ seems to believe a lot of bullshit

A MAN who prides himself on being able to detect ‘bullshit’ believes some incredibly stupid things.

Family wrong to assume they could amuse themselves during power cut

A FAMILY was stupidly optimistic about being able to keep themselves entertained without electricity, it has emerged.

You’re not even in our top five worries, Londoners tell extremists

LONDON residents have told extremists that they have far more pressing things to worry about.

Lightweight drinkers unveil plans to humiliate themselves

PEOPLE with a low alcohol tolerance have outlined the ways in which they plan to humiliate themselves over Christmas.