Family worried how grandad will manage without hard Brexit

A PENSIONER will have nothing to occupy his twilight years if the hard Brexit that fills his days is taken away from him, say his worried relatives.

90 per cent of men will happily drink disgusting coffee served by attractive female barista

MOST men will happily drink a vile coffee if it was made by an attractive woman, scientists have confirmed.

Present-hunting children unprepared for what they might find in 'mum's special drawer'

BRITAIN’S children are in no way prepared for what they will find in their parents’ bedrooms while looking for their Christmas presents, it has been confirmed.

Universities warn first-year students may return home as tossers

STUDENTS returning home for Christmas may have become pretentious twats with silly clothes and provocative beliefs, universities have warned.

Save valuable time by throwing all Christmas cards straight in the bin

SIMPLY throwing all Christmas cards into the bin unopened could save you up to four hours this Christmas, it has been claimed.

Gang of atheist six-year-olds plotting to sabotage school nativity play

A GANG of six-year-old atheists is plotting to sabotage a school nativity play with a foul-mouthed attack on religion.

Cat wants owner to know he really tried to bury crap in garden but couldn't because ground was frozen

A CAT has been left humiliated after he defecated in his owner’s garden but was unable to bury it.

Guardian family makes gender-neutral snow-being

A GUARDIAN-LOVING family has made a snow individual who is not constrained by gender boundaries.