London is the world’s friendliest city, now f**k off, say residents

A SURVEY to find the world’s friendliest city has been told in no uncertain terms that it is London, unless the researchers have a problem with that.

Student celebrates ‘A with a shitload of stars’ grade

A STUDENT is celebrating getting the first ‘A with a shitload of stars’ grade at A Level.

Woman still waiting for response to email just saying ‘hi’ with a link to penis pills

A WOMAN is annoyed after sending all her friends a helpful link to erection pills and not getting any response.

Money for childhood anti-obesity campaign ‘has been spent on cycling medals’

PLANS to tackle childhood obesity have been scaled back because the money has been spent on winning Olympic cycling medals

Man experiences strange patriotic feeling

A MAN has experienced weird stirrings of patriotism while watching the Olympics.

Friend always there with shit advice

A WOMAN is always available to listen to her friends’ problems and give them spectacularly shit advice.

Retired couple go on coach journey for fun

A RETIRED couple spent three days on a coach because that is their twisted idea of fun.

Man’s ‘Only God can judge me’ tattoo proved wrong by magistrates' court judge

A TATTOO claiming ‘Only God Can Judge Me’, has been proved wrong by a county court judge.