Woman’s belief system based on quotes from sandwich boards outside bars

A WOMAN has based her all her thinking on philosophical quotes written on chalk boards outside local businesses.

Grumpy bastards secretly delighted to see Christmas decorations going up

PEOPLE with nothing in their lives but their own incessant whining have smiled inwardly as shops start wheeling out Christmas tat.

Non-twat wondering why he is in ‘Chipping Norton set’

A MAN is wondering why he chooses to spend his time doing horrible things with the worst people in the world.

Man discovers he is not qualified for unskilled labour

A 25-YEAR-OLD man was applying for a job as ‘unskilled labourer’ when he realised he did not meet the criteria.

Free school lunches scrapped as children pay price for causing recession

BRITAIN’S infants will finally be made to pay for causing the financial crash of 2008.

Middle class people launch feeble retaliatory piss-take

PEOPLE whose middle class lifestyles are easy targets for snide humour have attempted to turn the tables.

Dog realises he was adopted

A LABRADOR has realised that the people he thought were his parents are actually a different species.

References to ‘brunch’ going unmocked

BRITONS are talking about ‘brunch’ without getting the piss ripped out of them, it has emerged.