Society

Applicants advised not to bring box of wine to mortgage interview

STRICT new mortgage rules will mean applicants should not turn up to their bank or building society with a three-litre box of wine.

Person with no power should no longer be head of irrelevant thing, says ‘deputy prime minister’

A PERSON with no power should no longer be the symbolic head of an organisation that does not matter, according to someone who made up his own job.

Cattery didn't know you were meant to keep them alive

A SHROPSHIRE cattery has apologised to customers for not realising they wanted their cats back still breathing.

UK to introduce 'drink banks'

CHURCH halls and community centres are to offer emergency alcohol supplies to those unable to afford it themselves.

Atheists are delusional, says Conservative Party’s chief Satanist

THE Conservative Party’s Grand Satanic Ambassador has assured atheists that they are totally wrong.

England on fire as dragons take their revenge

TOWNS and villages across England are ablaze after giant dragons chose St George’s Day to avenge their murdered comrade.

Weather ruins bank holiday traffic jams

BRITAIN’S traditional Easter traffic jams have been blighted by heavy rain for the third successive year.

Women now doing lots of pointless bloke crap

WOMEN are increasingly taking responsibility for the crap activities traditionally done by men.