Parents braced for ill-fated days out

21-10-11

WITH half term looming, Britain's parents are steeling themselves for day trips that inevitably will end with at least one child weeping uncontrollably.

Experience a world of animals that spit

Wildlife sanctuaries, theme parks and heartbreakingly sad 'farm parks' are the top destinations for doomed family outings, according to research by the Institute for Studies.

Parent Nikki Hollis said: “I'm taking my children and two of their most hyperactive friends to a desperately sad former working farm recently converted, on a budget of 58p, into 'Llamaville Adventure Land'.

“The day out will of course be curtailed by a tearful disagreement over who has the strawberry lolly, or some similar fucking thing.

She continued: “Hopefully we will at least get a chance to look at the llamas standing forlornly in the rain, touch a mummified duck's wing in the visitor centre and buy a llama-shaped pencil sharpener before the tears start.

“But I don't hold out much hope.”

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford has prepared a trip to a falconry centre: “Basically I'm driving for three hours with two children and a husband to visit a medium-security bird prison staffed by alcoholic former stage actors dressed as Tudor noblemen.

“Clearly there's a limit to how good this can be, but I just pray I don't end up shouting 'I'm never taking you anywhere again until you're at least 32' at my ill-behaved offspring, while strangers stare at me and mutter darkly about Childline.

“It's about fifty fifty I reckon.”