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PHONE YOUR NAN OR SHE'LL GO BONKERS, SAY DOCS |
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08-01-10 |
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AS studies showed mobile phones can fight Alzheimer's Disease, doctors last night urged people to call their grandparents before they go mental.
 She will boil the first three or four
A spokesman said: "They are naturally suspicious of gadgets so it might be an idea to download a screensaver of June Whitfield or a 1950s bus conductor. A white one obviously."
Margaret Gerving, an 83-year-old nightmare from Doncaster, said: "My grandson bought me one of them little phones for Christmas and if he thinks he's getting a thank-you out of me he can bloody well tickle.
"It started making funny noises so I put it in a pan of water until it stopped. It's them Chinee lot that make them, you know, when they're not eating dogs. Mucky buggers."
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute For Studies, made the discovery after a particularly protracted telephone argument with his girlfriend while standing next to some lab mice.
"Earlier that day I'd given Alzheimer's to some mice because I was bored. But after two hours on the phone arguing over whose parents we should spend Christmas with, I noticed they'd stopped drooling."
Brubaker feels the benefit to humans with the disease could be remarkable, adding: "As the Alzheimer's recedes, many old people are going to start remembering which heartless prick farmed them out to a nursing home in the first place and thousands of wills could be changed overnight.
"It's going to be like a cross between Cocoon and Awakenings, only with a lot more of your grandfather's urine and - fantastically - a lot less Robin Williams.
"And if that doesn't work you can always cheer him up by inviting Jonathan Ross over to wank him into a cup."
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