PEOPLE with pink hair have issued a document explaining who they are and what they want.
Although not a political party, they felt this was a good time to describe the surprisingly complex pink hair agenda.
58-year-old pink hair person Mary Fisher said: “There is more to dyeing your hair pink than just an overenthusiastic stab at individuality triggered by getting dumped or the menopause.
“Pink hairism is a philosophy dating back to the 12th century, based on a book called the Pinkonomicon that was dictated by unicorns to a middle-aged lady called Ingrid.
“The pink book says that the highest virtue is sassiness, that society must be freed from the shackles of so-called good taste, and that all stationary including envelopes must be pink or at least lilac.”
Pink hair people are predominantly women under 25 or over 55, although men can be inducted if they have read every Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman book.
Mary Fisher said: “Our main thing is we really hate green hair people. In our mythology pink and green unicorns fought to the death over whether green or pink was the most fun colour.
“If we see green hair people and there’s nobody else around, we kill them. Same with blue hair people, they’re bastards too.
“We also want greater recognition for the music of Clannad and Tori Amos, we believe in tarot cards and don’t eat shellfish.”
