Police should wear uniforms in bed, say experts

POLICEMEN should go to bed fully uniformed so they can be ready to pounce at a moment’s notice, it has been claimed.

It's not the ideal sleeping helmet

The Policy Exchange think tank said that if criminals knew policemen were lying there, with their helmets on, they would think twice before doing a bad thing.

Crime policy expert, Blair Gibbs, added: “In bed, heavy boots, protective vest, truncheon at the ready – safer streets.”

But Stephen Malley, a constable from Stevenage, said: “I’m not sure my wife is going to be tremendously keen on sleeping in such close proximity to my helmet.

“And if I put the helmet on the floor, the chances are that when a bad thing happens and my bedside crime siren goes off, I’ll forget the helmet’s there, stand on it and then topple over and go head first into the dressing table.

“And while I’m rearranging all the little bottles of lotion and perfume, in the dark, Johnny Criminal is hot-footing it down the street with his swag bag.”

He added: “You see, the problem is the helmets are very pointy at the top. I would gladly sleep in my uniform if we were issued with special night time helmets, perhaps made of cashmere with a chequered bobble on the end.

“Yes, that could work.”

Gibbs said: “I’m afraid that from now on policemen and their wives will have to sleep in twin beds.

“I honestly cannot see any other way of tackling crime.”