Policeman Displays Human-Like Intelligence
A POLICEMAN has remembered the names of songs and been able to use them in a sentence, it emerged last night.
Scientists now have high hopes for communicating with snowmen
The Institute for Studies said the creature displayed a sophisticated, almost human-like level of brain function although it did still manage to hit itself very hard in the face with a truncheon.
Each day for the last 18 months specimen AZ8 has been shown a list of basic song titles. Every time it remembered one it was rewarded with a baked potato.
When it worked out that the potato was food it was then rewarded with a mango.
Eventually AZ8 was able to construct basic sentences using the song titles for which it was rewarded with a length of rubber hose and an Asian teenager tied to a chair.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “When you look into a policeman’s eyes it’s very much like staring into the face of a waxwork dummy or a snowman. There’s an overwhelming sense of absolute nothingness.
“So we were very excited when AZ8 began to display basic levels of cognitive ability, particularly in relation to Barbara Streisand.
“Each time we showed him the song titles he would become progressively more excited until eventually he was taking off his pointy hat and using it as a toilet.
“It was an astonishing breakthrough – Barbara Streisand song recognition combined with an ability to use tools.”
Professor Brubaker added: “I believe that with further study and experimentation policemen could one day be trained to perform basic tasks such as walking around a neighbourhood and preventing crimes without beating the hell out of anyone.
“Though until then we probably shouldn’t be giving them sniper rifles.”
