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POOR PEOPLE ARE SO TEDIOUS, SAY EXPERTS |
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08-12-09 |
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A THINK tank researching poverty in the UK has found that people living below the breadline are dreadfully boring.
 This one has fallen asleep in front of the 'telly'
Meanwhile many families could barely scrape together an afternoon bridge session in a cycle of loneliness described by the Young Foundation as 'The ineluctable result of being unable to hold a conversation for more than 10 minutes without reference to Independent Television'.
Researcher Julian Cook said: "While it's appalling that the emotional needs of the underclass aren't being met, I suggest you try spending an afternoon with them as the discussion returns again and again to 'training shoes' and the best place to buy your Monster Munch.
"After three months research sitting in their dreary living rooms, eating their unacceptable biscuits and listening to their glottal stops, I had to book myself for a weekend in Champneys to wash the council off."
The foundation has called for government funding to be diverted from social housing and healthcare in order to teach the poor how to make brioche from scratch while deciding on the best place to position a 19th century French armoir.
Cook added: "It's the trickle-up theory of social inclusion - the country's poorest cannot truly integrate into society until their small talk about global warming doesn't make you want to hack your own balls off with a metal ruler and force them into your ears to make the noise go away."
Nikki Hollis, a Carlisle mother of six, said: "Somebody from the council came around with a collection of Anish Kapoor prints and a documentary about Elizabeth David. I went down the pub and swapped them for half a dozen chicken and mushroom Pot Noodles. Did I do it right?"
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