Priests To Strike On Halloween
ROMAN Catholic priests are threatening to strike on their busiest night of the year.
Priests are also trained to deal with pumpkins that come to life
Clergymen in England and Wales want a three percent pay increase, a rise in employer pension contributions and for everyone to stop calling them a bunch of kiddie fiddlers all the time.
But the government has condemned the strike threat as ‘reckless and irresponsible’ insisting millions of people will be forced to cancel Halloween or face an increased risk of having their soul consumed by Lucifer.
A Home Office spokesman said: “While this may be the priesthood’s busiest night of the year, it is also Satan’s.
“The night before All Saints Day sees children at their most vulnerable to pure, unadulterated Beelzebubbery. Except perhaps when they are watching that million pound quiz thing with Davina McCall.”
The spokesman added: “On Halloween, Lucifer lurks in every alleyway, behind every wheelie bin and at the bottom of every bag full of Bazooka Joes.
“You may send your child out dressed as Lady Gaga in a meat dress but without the skill and dedication of a fully equipped, state-of-the-art priest they will surely return to you as a firey-eyed demon that can turn its head all the way round and will vomit green acid at your dinner guests before throwing one of them down a long flight of stairs.”
Father Stephen Malley, secretary general of the Association of Priests, Monsignors and Non-Ordained Exorcists, said: “We don’t want to take this action. We would much rather be standing behind innocent children, vigorously protecting them from the devil.
“What?”
