the dailymash

It is believed that a 27-figure sum has so far been donated by members of the public eager to see the relentlessly buoyant street collectors impaled on didgeridoos, garrotted with poi and then burned on a giant flaming pyre of Lonely Planet guides.

The mass killing was the brainchild of Margaret Gerving, a retired headmistress from Guildford: "I wanted to raise some money for the Pakistanis with a tombola at the Lyon's Club fete.

"But then last week, when I was late for a train, a young Australian called 'Zee' bounded into my path, waving a clipboard and asking if I wanted a free hug.

"All I could think about was how gratifying it would be to see him die a protracted, painful death before a huge baying crowd."

Donors can sponsor the demise of an individual charity mugger and the larger the sum, the more sadistic the means of dispatch.

Roy Hobbs, from Swindon, said: "I've given £5,000 to put paid to a young man called 'Rat', whose interests are listed as stilt walking, parkour and 'chillin' with some funky beats and a phat doobie'.

"He used to stop me on my way to work with the greeting 'alright geez, how's tricks?'.

"Which is exactly the same question I shall be asking him as he's lowered kicking and screaming into a tank full of hungry carnivores. Is there something that's like a cross between a rat and a crab?"

But psychologist Emma Bradford said: "Medieval-style sadism can never be deemed acceptable within a modern, civilised, supposedly humane society.

"Oh, sorry, I thought you meant normal muggers, I didn't hear the 'charity' bit.

"Crack on."