Queen To Spend Three Days A Week Blocking Facebook Arseholes
THE Queen will be forced to spend up to three days a week blocking arseholes who leave comments on her Facebook page.
Her Majesty was forced to cut short a visit to HMS Ark Royal so she could block some smart arsed fucker called 'Steve'
The sovereign launched her page on the social networking site at 9am this morning and by midday had realised she had made a horrible mistake.
A Buckingham Palace source said: “She thought it would be an easy way to reach people on Facebook. We told her that was a perfectly good idea as long as she was okay with every single one of them being a fucking arsehole.
“She said that didn’t sound right because all the people she meets are really nice and polite and would never use words like ‘fuck’ or ‘c**t’.”
The source added: “I stuck my head round the door about an hour a go and she was just sitting there with this look on her face that seemed to be alternating between suicidal boredom and abject horror.
“She then looked up at me as if to say ‘what the fuck am I supposed to do about this?’.”
It is understood this year’s Christmas Day speech will be devoted to replying angrily to some of the more offensive Facebook comments while next year’s Trooping the Colour will be reduced to eight minutes due to arsehole blocking commitments.
Helen Archer, from Hatfield, said she had been a fan of the monarchy for some time but the Facebook page would allow her to express an endless stream of worthless, ill-informed opinions on subjects she thinks the Queen might be interested in.
She added: “I know the Queen is really keen to read my views and the great thing about Facebook is that it lets someone like me write things down and then show them to people – the sort of things that if I said out loud would make you think I was on day release from a mental hospital before shepherding your children hurriedly into the back of your car and driving off like you were being chased by Satan.”
Bob Smith, a Facebook user who set up an account using a fake name just to insult the Queen, said: “Queen’s fucking shit. Queen’s fucking shit. Queen’s fucking shit. Queen’s fucking shit.”
Smith lists his ‘likes’ as the Buena Vista Social Club, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and Mock the Week.
