Random shit things in a basket apparently a 'hamper'


A WICKER basket containing some biscuits and tea bags is apparently a fabulous Victorian-style Christmas hamper, it has been confirmed.

The contents of so-called hampers have left some recipients wondering if they are just a scam to pass off a random assortment of disappointing supermarket items as a sumptuous luxury feast.

Office worker Nikki Hollis said: “A Christmas hamper should be massive and stuffed with traditional treats like candied fruit, cured meats, whatever ‘figgy pudding’ is and a whole goose.

“However when my sister sent me a hamper it was just two bottles of poor quality chardonnay and some horrible Scottish oatmeal biscuits that medieval peasants probably ate just to stay alive.

“I got another from my mum consisting mostly of unremarkable chutney and pieces of cheese. She may as well have just come round and handed me things out of my fridge.

“Don’t get me started on hampers full of toiletries. If you’re genuinely excited about receiving a box of moisturiser and shower gel you should probably kill yourself.”

Accountant Tom Logan said: “I love giving people hampers because they have to sound grateful even if you’ve basically sent them some Asda smoked salmon and Londis jam with fancy labels on.

“This year my in-laws are getting one with three different types of dill and horseradish sauce, which is what I imagine the Devil’s spunk tastes like.”

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