the dailymash

As chancellor Alistair Darling laid the groundwork for the latest version of the rich versus poor conflict, experts urged poor people to bet whatever money they have on being beaten soundly by multi-millionaires.

Martin Bishop, director of the spreads at Madeley-Finnegan, said: "The odds will be slim, but by betting on the rich's ability to out-manoeuvre you at every turn you could at least make yourself slightly less poor.

"You and your state-educated children could then take advantage of a two-for one pizza offer, or you could put some of that fancy, super-unleaded petrol in your four year-old Vauxhall Vectra."

Sir Denys Finch-Hatton, executive chairman of Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "Our strategy for beating the poor is to keep making lots of money and then spending it on lovely things, such as a highly trained accountant and a large house in a small tax haven.

"I don't know the poor very well, but I suspect their central tactic will be to complain about all that while at the same time continuing to be less well off than me."
 
But Norman Steele, a council worker from Peterborough, said: "It is now obvious to me that Labour has my best interests at heart. I cannot wait to vote for them at the general election and look forward to another five years of being cared for so affectionately."

Sir Denys added: "You know, one of the things I find most charming about people with small amounts of money is that they still think general elections are important."