Rioters summer school will have loads of stuff worth nicking
A SUMMER school for rioters will be full of tellys and tracksuits, Nick Clegg has pledged.
The man's a god-damn ideas factory
The deputy prime minister wants the schools to help youngsters who have ‘fallen through the cracks’ but admits they will only turn up if there is a decent chance they can steal something.
The Liberal Democrat leader said: “We can’t force these kids to go to summer school. I don’t know why, but we just can’t, okay?
“So the only way we’ll get them through the door is to let it be known that the place will be stuffed to the rafters with quality gear.”
Under the plans posters will be put up in depraved inner-city areas promoting a ‘summer school and unguarded telly bonanza’.
As the youths help themselves to a range of medium-sized electronic goods, specially trained counsellors will try to hand them a leaflet about community spirit while shouting catchy, aspirational slogans such as ‘have you thought about a career in food preparation?’.
Mr Clegg said: “As the summer school volunteers disappear rapidly into the distance I’m pretty sure that at least one of them will think about how rewarding it would be to handle chicken.
“Picture him as he marches proudly into his local convenience food outlet and begins his first day of dipping chicken parts in some stuff.
“And when his former friends break into his flat during next year’s riots and steal his new telly, he will have the satisfaction of knowing that he earned it.
“And we should be able to do the whole thing for about 12 million quid.”
