AN advert featuring a grown woman in a short skirt has been banned by Britain's masturbation fantasy regulator.

This sort of thing should not be published

"Parliament has given us the statutory responsibility to control the supply of masturbatory stimulants.

"The last thing we need is this scorching hot woman staring out at me all day, telling me she wants me and urging me to abuse myself. Just look at that skirt, I mean Jesus Christ."

He added: "Thank god she wasn't sucking on a pencil because, quite frankly, I wouldn't have time for this interview."

Julian Cook, of the Consumers Association, said: "Perhaps the next Ryanair advert could show a picture of a dilligent schoolboy trying to work out why the advert said a flight to Barcelona would cost £7.50, but he's actually been charged ten times that."

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