the dailymash

Let's share a meaningful grunty experience

Research by the Institute for Studies found that attendees of events like Unleashing the Tapestry of Your Soul: A Three-Day Shamanic Journey, Gaian Soul Chant and Rata Bhagwan’s Chakra Vibrationism were 212% more likely to have intercourse that they would be on a Club Sexy Med 18-30 trip.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Spiritually-themed events are packed with emotionally fragile people, predominantly females, craving any sort of affection.

“There’s lots of embracing, sensuality, ‘being open’ to things and probably the chance to get naked in the sweat lodge.

“Usually by Sunday the Chakras are fully open and these things descend into open rutting.

“It’s no coincidence they’re usually run by touchy-feely ponytailed men with starey eyes.”

Tom Logan, who has recently returned from a three-day course entitled Releasing Difficult Energy In Some Woods said: “I definitely released some difficult energy in my boxer shorts.

“It’s mental, you don’t even need to try. Just sit there looking empathetic and before you know it you’re in a five-way.

“I do feel a bit guilty about doing this. But it’s ok, I’m booked onto a Purging Your Conscience With Ethno-Dance weekender.”