|
STOP TRYING TO MAKE OUR HEADS EXPLODE, SAY TEENAGERS |
|
|
|
12-02-08 |
|
CAMPAIGNERS are calling for a ban on a hi-tech, ultra-sonic device which causes teenagers' heads to explode.
 Worked like a charm on this little shit
Wayne Hayes, from Liberty, the pro-Iran civil liberties group, said: "Teenagers have a right to stand outside shops and express themselves with saliva.
"Perhaps the shop owner should try getting to know them before he installs a machine designed specifically to make their heads explode."
But Denys Hatton, from the Federation of Small Businessmen, said: "I never thought I'd see the day when it was illegal to use ultra-sonic devices to blow-up children's heads.
"Some people are worried about the mess, but I'll tell you this: it's much easier to step over the bodies of a few headless teenagers than it is to push your way through a crowd."
The government is now assessing a range of alternative dispersal methods including grenades, ravenous polar bears, and a special audio device which plays Fields of Gold by Sting over and over again.
A Home Office spokesman said: "The Sting option is very effective at dispersing teenagers, but you then attract large groups of emotionally vulnerable, thirty-something women as well as the men who are trying to shag them.
"We'll probably just go with the polar bears."
Get the latest Daily Mash book, Everyone Dead by Teatime
Go here: thedailymash.co.uk/everyonedead
|
