The Daily Mash guide to beating student debt

09-10-17

AS students face bills of £46,000 or more for a degree, many are struggling to get through three years of education.

Follow these tips to graduate debt-free:

– Put off going to university until you’re working in a highly-paid profession such as barrister or consultant surgeon. Simply sneak out of operations and court cases whenever you’ve got a lecture.

– Gigs are a big part of student life, so save money by only seeing the worst, cheapest bands. Why buy £60 Killers tickets when an overweight local Shakin’ Stevens tribute is performing at the British Legion for free?

– Persuade your parents to invest in property and become buy-to-let landlords for your friends. And if they set up their own student loans company, they can cash in for decades to come.

– Cheap pasta dishes, nourishing soups, buying from the Whoops! aisle and scraping edible lichen off rocks saves money on meals. Pine tree bark is edible. Be resourceful!

– Remember, you don’t have to live on campus. If rent is sky-high near your London university, you can always find a much more affordable place in the Welsh valleys and commute.

– Make extra money by inventing an amazing thing no one else has thought of which everyone wants to buy if you’re so fucking clever.

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