Toddlers and Wetherspoon's regulars not dissimilar
TWO year-olds have been bonding with other people who talk gibberish and piss
themselves since the opening of a toddler group at a Wetherspoon’s.
And sometimes the children get really drunk too
Parents’ groups had been highly critical of a ‘Baby, Toddler Plus The Usual Adults With Broken Souls Group’ which opened at a Midlands outlet of the generic reasonably-priced drinkerie.
However the very young children appear to be getting along famously with the scarlet-fleshed regulars, whose behaviour is not dissimilar to theirs.
Parent Nikki Hollis said: “The kids and the adults mix seamlessly together, happily drooling down their fronts, alternating between being fast asleep and going mental.
“My two-year-old son Simon seems perfectly at ease surrounded by people who, just like him, cannot walk properly or combine syllables.
“The slurred, indecipherable monologues make a weird sort of sense to him, perhaps because it’s like Tellytubbies with swearing.”
The children appear to be influencing some of the adult drinkers, including Roy Hobbs, a 46 year-old unemployed plasterer with domestic problems, who has taken to wearing Pampers.
He said: “Wearing adult underwear meant I had to leave my seat to perform bodily functions, cost me valuable drinking time.
“Children are very special, we can learn so much from them.”
Fellow drinker Stephen Malley said: “I don’t know what all the fuss was about. It’s not like we come here to get drunk.
“We’re drunk at home too.”
