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TOWN BIDS TO END PINE NEEDLE CARNAGE |
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27-11-09 |
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A TOWN council is hoping to end the carnage caused by stray pine needles by replacing its traditional 20ft Christmas Tree with a photograph of Kermit the Frog.
 Never again
Last year a pine needle blew off the town Christmas tree and directly into the face of Mrs Margaret Gerving who was coming out of Somerfield with a trolley full of shopping.
Fearing she was under attack from a dragonfly, Mrs Gerving lifted her hands to defend herself leaving the trolley to roll into the back of Ms Emma Bradford.
Ms Bradford then dropped her bag of shopping causing a melon to roll along the pavement where it was stood on by retired fireman Martin Bishop who was walking his Irish wolfhound. As he fell, Mr Bishop let go of the lead allowing the wolfhound to run off in pursuit of local midget Nathan Muir who was dressed as a Christmas elf.
The sight of a giant dog chasing an elf caused builder Charlie Reeves to turn around suddenly in the middle of the street. At the time Mr Reeves was carrying an eight foot plank over his shoulder which then struck accountant Tom Logan on the back of the head.
Mr Logan had been about to take a bite out of a savoury cheese sandwich but the force of the blow sent the sandwich flying out of his hand and onto the windscreen of Bill McKay's Seat Ibiza.
Mr McKay turned on the wipers to remove the sandwich but ended up smearing the filling all over his windscreen causing him to veer slightly into the middle of the road which in turn forced an oncoming bus to swerve into a nearby McDonalds which then exploded killing 138 people.
A council spokesman said: "A picture of Kermit the Frog is an excellent replacement for a Christmas tree given that he is both green and reasonably pointy.
"We were going to have a photo of him as Bob Cratchit in The Muppet Christmas Carol but we felt that might be offensive to Hindus, Cherokee Indians and Jedi Knights."
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