We Don't Have Facebook Accounts, Say People Who Care About Privacy
PEOPLE who are even remotely interested in the concept of privacy could not possibly have a Facebook account, it emerged last night.
Status: chin massaging
As the social networking giant unveiled its new privacy settings, people who understand what the word means wished the company well but said they would continue to mind their own business, thank you very much.
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg was forced to act after millions of users who are quite happy to write down everything about themselves and then show it to people complained that their privacy was being compromised.
Helen Archer, 38 years, 16 days and 12 minutes, from 28 Beecham Avenue, Peterborough PE4 7KB, said: “I have an insatiable desire for circumcised Japanese dwarves. Please do not use this information to try and sell me a car loan.”
But Tom Logan, a man aged between 35 and 44 from the Bedfordshire area, said: “I have eight people I share the details of my life with. I live in the same house as two of them and the other six have phone numbers which I keep in a little book.
“Meanwhile – and this is where it gets a bit technical – they keep my phone number in their book and periodically we use these numbers to exchange information and opinions. The privacy setting is inside my brain and involves me either saying things or not saying things.”
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Facebook ‘privacy’ is a bit like going into a cake shop and then being told you’re under no obligation to buy a cake. It’s all absolutely fine, in a doing-things-by-the-book kind of a way, but the only reason you came in is because there were loads of lovely big cakes in the window.”
He added: “Having a Facebook account means that you would be quite happy to empty the top drawer of your bedside cabinet onto someone else’s coffee table.
“You’re basically saying ‘look at all the foreign coins, odd socks and old watch straps I have. Look at my toenail clippers and my Alan Titchmarsh autograph. Look at my ancient condoms or my battery operated ‘chin massager’. LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT NOW!!!“‘.
Tom Logan said: “I’ve got an idea for a website. It’s called How’s About We All Just Leave Each Other the Fuck Alone for Five Minutes.
“Book.”
