A CAMERAMAN faces legal action after failing to make a wedding look better than it actually was.
Professional videographer Tom Logan was paid to document Louise Malley’s seemingly endless celebrations at an Oxfordshire country house.
But when the bride and her husband Stephen received the 90-minute tape, it contained only a depressingly accurate portrayal of an event that was enjoyed solely by the bride and the bride’s grandmother.
Mrs Malley said: “The video just makes it look like a lot of uncomortable people in an over-priced room doing something they’d rather not.
“All I wanted was for it to look like the single most amazingly magical, fairy-dust sprinkled event in recorded human history and for my arse to look small.
“I’ll have the fucker’s house for this.”
But Logan said: “There is a clause in my contract that clearly states you cannot polish a turd.
“Most of these things are on a sliding scale between grinding mediocrity and stab-yourself-in-the-heart-with-a-fork tedium.
“Perhaps the next time Mrs Malley gets married she won’t spunk all the money on a venue she can’t afford and then expect a hundred people to share a dozen bottles of antiseptic-grade white wine.”
He added: “Experts agree that the secret to a magical celebration of everlasting love is a shit ton of free booze.
“And skip the disco as well. Load of piss.”
