We're Too Busy To Take A Break, Say Arseholes Who Aren't Really
OVER half of Britain’s office workers are tedious sods playing the martyr to make everyone else look bad, according to new research.
There is absolutely no reason why you should not be finished by quarter past
The Institute for Studies found that 54% of desk-based workers are deliberately making a massive deal out of being too busy to have a break, despite it being obviously bollocks.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “They won’t have lunch or fag breaks and will be in the office for 12 hours a day, at least eight hours of which are spent telling anyone who will listen how they are under crazy amounts of pressure and then sighing in a loud, exaggerated manner.”
Brubaker said this flimsy pretence contradicts recent data showing the average office job would occupy less than 15 minutes a week if everyone just stopped titting around.
He added: “There’s no actual reason why they can’t go outside, like normal humans. And yet they insist on acting like some perverse contradiction of Captain Oates, offering to ‘stay inside for some time’ as a grand gesture of human sacrifice for the good of their fellows. They are such fuckers.”
IT helpdesk administrator Tom Booker said, in a voice loud enough for everyone in the office to hear: “Lunch break? Are you a psycho? I’ll eat something when I eventually get home, now would you all please let me get on with my work!”
He then wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, in an insanely irritatingly theatrical gesture designed to show he was sweating profusely from the intensity of it all, despite having done nothing all morning except give a new password to someone in Stoke before going back to his ‘all sexy blonde girl’ chatroom.
He added: “At some point I am going to have to talk to human resources because this simply cannot go on. By the way, does anyone know the Polish word for ‘girth’?”
