Al Qaeda To Fire Fat Guy At Canary Wharf

THE only thing more dangerous to the UK than terrorism and obesity is a combination of the two, experts said last night.

How it would work

Security analysts say Al Qaeda is now planning to strike at the nation's capital by stuffing a fat guy into a cannon and then firing him into the middle of the Canary Wharf tower.

David Hunter, professor of public health at Durham University, said: "For years I have been warning that great, wobbling fatness is the gravest threat to our national security.

"And I have warned of the potential catastrophe if Al Qaeda were ever to get hold of a fat person. Well, now they have."

He added: "You all said I was an attention seeking twat who was talking out of his arse.

"Well, let's see how clever you are when there's 22 stone of human cannonball hurtling towards your office window.

"The last thing you'll see, before you're flattened into oblivion, is his big, fat face shouting 'allahu akbar'."

Whitehall sources said plans were in place to combat the threat, including the 'last resort' of shooting down a fat guy over a built up area.