Army Snipers Get Thank-You Letter From Jesus
AMERICAN and British soldiers who take down Taleban fighters with a single shot have received thank you letters from Jesus, it emerged last night.
The Son of God has written to each of the trained killers to congratulate them on their skill in wiping out muslims cleanly and efficiently from up to 1500 yards away.
The Prince of Peace said: "There are few things more satisfying to me than a well-executed kill shot by an English-speaking Christian, using state-of-the-art technology.
"As I said to my beloved apostles as we rested in the Garden of Gethsemane 'get thyself into a nice, comfortable position with thy rifle butt nestling in thy shoulder before taking aim methodically and letting out a long, slow, deep breath as you squeeze the trigger'.
"And when we see the halo of blood erupting from the back of the non-believer's skull, do we not also see the glory of My Father?"
Coalition snipers have enjoyed increased success since being issued with new rifle scopes that have a little pair of bright red horns painted on the end so that they can be positioned over the soon-to-be-exploding head of their Muslim target.
Nathan Muir, chief executive of manufacturers The Psychopath Corporation, said: "We also include a biblical code on the side of the scope. I saw Pulp Fiction a few years ago and the bit with Samuel L Jackson quoting Ezekial while holding an enormous hand gun gave me a very powerful erection."
Jesus added: "Many congratulations to you and I hope you continue to kill as many human beings as you possibly can before you die."