British man planned to destroy Parliament with Scalextric

28-09-11

A 26 YEAR-old man has been accused of plotting to blow up parliament using toy racing cars.

Hunt would have been sickened

Martin Bishop, an unemployed landscape gardener from Stevenage, was last night charged under the 1985 Using Scalextric for Terror Act.

It is alleged that Bishop swore vengeance against Britain and everything it stands for after Sebastian Coe turned down his application to make slot car racing an Olympic sport.

A senior Scotland Yard source said: “He had rented a small office overlooking Parliament Square so he would have a direct line of sight. He would then have placed his tiny car of death on the track and pressed the little plastic trigger as hard as he could before smashing headlong into our democratic values with his twisted grand prix of hate.”

The plot was discovered when a sharp-eyed traffic warden spotted more than two feet of track with a model of James Hunt’s 1976 world championship-winning McLaren positioned on it and gave it a parking ticket.

The source added: “Luckily the traffic warden called it in. Two days later our forensic specialists were on the scene and, using state-of-the-art computers and a laser, worked out that the track was pointed directly at Big Ben.”

It is understood the car was loaded with a high-grade Bulgarian firecracker and would have caused untold devastation.

Meanwhile, detailed blueprints were found in Bishop’s sticky bedsit which showed three separate tracks leading to Parliament, the Ministry of Defence and Buckingham Palace.

The Scotland Yard source said: “The track leading to the palace included a detour into a very accurate recreation of Brands Hatch. He obviously wanted to have some fun while he was quenching his thirst for innocent blood.

“But crucially, there is no way he would have been able to press three little plastic triggers really hard at the same time meaning he must have had at least one accomplice, so I’m afraid we will now be forced to round-up at least 200 heavily-bearded brown gentlemen.”

A shocked Lord Coe said: “I thought it was called ‘Scalectrix’.”

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