Let's Make The War On Terror More Of A Contest, Says Ba Boss

27-10-10

AIRPORT security should be relaxed in a bid to make the war on terror more interesting, the chairman of British Airways has claimed.

Or you could queue for a bit

Martin Broughton insisted security checks were now so stringent that the glassy eyed lunatics who want to kill each and every one of us in a huge ball of fire were not being given a fair crack of the exploding whip.

He claimed that air travel could become a more thrilling and romantic experience if airports, airlines and passengers were willing to throw the exploding dice a bit more often.

Mr Broughton told an air industry conference: “Some of the films on long haul flights aren’t very good.

“So wouldn’t it be better if, instead of trying to maintain your already meagre interest in the plot of Marley and Me, you could spend the first half of your flight frantically searching the faces of your fellow passengers for signs of impending suicide or exploding Timberlands?

“You could even pretend that you are an NCIS agent locked in a desperate race against time. Or you could just sit there looking at your watch while Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston chase a badly trained labrador through a Chinese restaurant.”

Al Qaeda has been lobbying the air industry for over three years to scale down security checks while pledging to hijack or blow up only three planes a year, at least one of which would be a total surprise.

Regular flyer Tom Logan said: “I hate everyone who works in the aviation industry so fucking much that I have actually thought about becoming a suicide bomber.

“But ultimately I would prefer to expose my feet for five minutes at the airport rather than have them fished one by one from the Atlantic by a pissed-off coastguard with a shrimping net.”

Mr Brougton is also the chairman of Liverpool FC, which experts have described as a massive clue.

 

 

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