War

Home Office To Target Scrabulous Extremists

FANATICS who use the internet as a platform for militant Scrabulism will be hunted down like wild pigs, the Home Office said last night.

Army Says War Great For Easing Troublesome Aches And Pains

WAR is perfect for soothing away the niggling aches and strains of modern life, the British Army said last night. 

Airlines Lift In-Flight Sex Jelly Ban

AIRLINES are to lift the ban on KY and other proprietary sex lubricants, under new security regulations introduced today.

Snoooooooooooooooooooooooooow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BRITAIN was huddled close together last night as the first snowfall of winter launched a massive assault on our cherished way of life.

We're Inside Your iPod, Confirms MI5

BRITAIN'S security services have implanted a chip in every iPod and now have detailed records of everyone's taste in music, MI5 agents told Radio 1 last night. 

Bikini-Clad Lovelies To Protect Airports

SQUADS of bikini-clad women are to be positioned outside airports in a bid to deter fanatical Islamic terrorists.

Met Chief Refuses To Resign After Setting Fire To A Tramp

METROPOLITAN  Police Commissioner Sir Ian Blair has refused to resign despite setting fire to a tramp in central London.

Muslims And Christians To Unite In Hatred Of Gays

A GROUP of senior Islamic clerics has written to Pope Benedict XVI calling for the world's two biggest faiths to find common cause over their obsessive hatred of gay people.