War

Brown To Have Union Jack Tattooed Across His Buttocks

PRIME Minister Gordon Brown is to have the union flag tattooed across his buttocks in a bid to rally the nation in the face of terror.

Bupa Takes Over Failing NHS Terror Cell

PRIVATE health care firm Bupa is being parachuted in to take control of the NHS’s failing British terror campaign, the Daily Mash can reveal.

Controlled Explosions Linked To Insurance Scam

DOZENS of cars blown-up across the UK in the wake of the failed terror attacks are part of an elaborate insurance scam, the Daily Mash has learned.

Macaskill Brings Mini Poppadoms To 'Cobra' Meeting

MILLIONS of Scots slept easier in their beds last night as justice secretary Kenny MacAskill took full control of the nation's security. 

Airport Attackers To Be Charged Under Anti-Smoking Laws

TWO men who drove a lit car into the main concourse at Glasgow Airport are to be charged under Scotland's tough anti-smoking laws.

Threat level raised to 'Underpants'

THE terrorist threat level across the UK has been raised from 'spacehopper' to 'underpants', the Home Secretary confirmed last night.

London Bomb 'Not Scary Enough', Brown Tells MI5

PRIME Minister Gordon Brown has dismissed the latest London bomb scare as "feeble" and "unlikely to frighten the public".