GAY recruits to the armed forces will be asked what kind of gay they are so it can be weaponised.
BRITONS have given their full support to any activity that involves stealth bombers.
WORLD War One has been declared Britain’s most on-trend conflict thanks to its nice coats and haircuts.
SWEDEN has dropped depth charges in three squares of the Baltic in an attempt to hit a Russian submarine.
THE Speaker of the House has stuck on his special war compilation CD to get ministers fired up.
BRITAIN has launched a series of no-nonsense, testosterone-fuelled infographics against ISIS.
SCOTTISH independence, ISIS, the Ebola virus and the performance of Chetna on The Great British Bake-Off are all significant risks to global security.
NEW US airstrikes on Syria will restore peace in the region with no further complications, rubble or death.