War

MoD unveils surface-to-air cockneys

COCKNEYS will be launched from the top of a tower block if someone attacks the Olympics, it has been confirmed.

Cameron to invade Isle of Wight

DAVID Cameron has drawn up secret plans to boost his popularity with an island-based war.

Predator drone visiting Afghan families on condolence mission

AFGHANS who lost family to a psychotic US soldier are being visited by a Predator drone programmed to comfort the bereaved.

Cameron Iran speech 'lip-synced' to video of Blair on Iraq

DAVID Cameron mimed a speech on Iran to the audio of an old Tony Blair speech on the need to invade Iraq.

Abu Qatada appointed UK’s jihad tsar

RADICAL Islamic cleric Abu Qatada is to overhaul British Islamo-fascism after being named as the country's  first jihad 'tsar'.

Google kicks Queen in the face

GOOGLE has kicked the Queen squarely in the teeth, it has been confirmed.

Stock exchange bomb plot suggests Al Qaeda now on our side

A PLOT to blow up the London Stock Exchange suggests that Islamic terrorists now want to do us a favour, it has emerged.

Phase one complete, Dacre tells home planet

CHIEF Daily Mail space creature Paul Dacre has mind-merged with his martian leader to report that Earth is almost ready for invasion.