COCKNEYS will be launched from the top of a tower block if someone attacks the Olympics, it has been confirmed.
DAVID Cameron has drawn up secret plans to boost his popularity with an island-based war.
AFGHANS who lost family to a psychotic US soldier are being visited by a Predator drone programmed to comfort the bereaved.
DAVID Cameron mimed a speech on Iran to the audio of an old Tony Blair speech on the need to invade Iraq.
RADICAL Islamic cleric Abu Qatada is to overhaul British Islamo-fascism after being named as the country's first jihad 'tsar'.
GOOGLE has kicked the Queen squarely in the teeth, it has been confirmed.
A PLOT to blow up the London Stock Exchange suggests that Islamic terrorists now want to do us a favour, it has emerged.
CHIEF Daily Mail space creature Paul Dacre has mind-merged with his martian leader to report that Earth is almost ready for invasion.