War

British General Stopped Russians From Killing James Blunt

A BRITISH general's intervention to stop World War III may also have prevented the destruction of James Blunt, it emerged last night.

MI5 Headquarters 'In A Right State'

A FAILURE to recruit female operatives has led to MI5's offices becoming a complete tip, it emerged last night.

Let's Make The War On Terror More Of A Contest, Says Ba Boss

AIRPORT security should be relaxed in a bid to make the war on terror more interesting, the chairman of British Airways has claimed.

Defence Cuts Will Lead To Massive Wasp Attack, Warns Fox

DEFENCE secretary Liam Fox has warned that cuts to Britain's defence budget will leave the country open to attack from massive foreign wasps that do not share our values.

Massive Gig To Explain Pointlessness Of Afghan War

AN estimated 60,000 fans are to gather at Wembley Stadium for a series of charity lectures on the intractable nature of the war in Afghanistan.

We've Got Lasers Now, Says Navy

WE'VE got bloody lasers and everything now, the Royal Navy said last night.

Support Grows For Retro Falklands War

A MAJORITY of Britons would support a retro, 80s-style war with Argentina, especially if it was narrated by Stuart Maconie, it emerged last night.

MI5 Has Been Trying To Keep Things Secret, Says Judge

BRITAIN'S top judge has accused the secret service of trying to keep everything a big secret.