War

Majority Of Iraqis Expect To Still Be Alive By Lunchtime

THE number of Iraqis expecting to still be alive by lunchtime has risen to an all-time high, an upbeat new survey shows.

RAF To Bomb Peterborough Back To Stone Age

PETERBOROUGH was today bracing itself for wave after wave of devastating raids by low-flying Tornado fighter-bombers.

Hitler's Astrologer Forecast Good News On Part-Time Job

HITLER'S astrologer told the Nazi leader to expect good news about a part-time job or an unexpected cash gift from a family member, according to files just released by the National Archive. 

Unexploded Plastic Bag Found In Town Centre

POLICE last night cordoned off an unexploded plastic bag in the centre of Norwich, as shoppers fled for their lives.

Center Parcs Exposed As Terrorist Training Camps

THEY are portrayed as a haven for families, but beneath the idyllic, tree-lined surface, Center Parcs are teeming with paint-balling gangs of would-be terrorists, it was claimed yesterday.

Home Office To Target Scrabulous Extremists

FANATICS who use the internet as a platform for militant Scrabulism will be hunted down like wild pigs, the Home Office said last night.

Army Says War Great For Easing Troublesome Aches And Pains

WAR is perfect for soothing away the niggling aches and strains of modern life, the British Army said last night. 

Airlines Lift In-Flight Sex Jelly Ban

AIRLINES are to lift the ban on KY and other proprietary sex lubricants, under new security regulations introduced today.