War

Terror Raids Unearth Huge Amount Of Bullshit

POLICE raids on suspected terrorists have uncovered a potentially lethal stockpile of bullshit, it emerged last night.

Spectre Of Spandau Ballet Returns To Haunt Britain

HOME secretary Jacqui Smith last night warned that Britain faced a serious and imminent threat from dirty bombs and Spandau Ballet.

Former MI5 Chief Finally Gets It

THE former head of MI5 last night finally twigged that thing the rest of us realised about seven years ago.

Cabinet Minutes To Reveal Pre-War Blood Sacrifice

MINUTES from Cabinet meetings in the run up to the Iraq war are expected to reveal how key decisions were made during a blood-soaked voodoo ritual.

MI5 Chief Incredibly Bald

A SERVING head of MI5 has appeared before the press for the first time and he is incredibly bald.

The Purge Begins

THE Prime Minister last night began the elimination of his enemies as he pledged to cleanse Britain of the virus of dissent.

Bent Cucumber Kills Five

FIVE people were killed by a bent cucumber last night just hours after the European Union scrapped its controversial regulations on twisted fruit.

Public Can't Wait To Be Truncheoned Across The Jaw, Says Smith

MOST British people are looking forward to having a policeman stand on their windpipe, the home secretary said yesterday.