Stop And Search To Be Replaced With Good, Old-Fashioned Violence
BRITAIN'S police could once again be able to kick the bejesus out of terror suspects after stop and search powers were declared illegal by some communist homosexuals.
The European Court of Homosexual Rights ruled in favour of two filthy beatnik types who were detained outside an arms fair on suspicion of being too poor to buy an Apache helicopter.
A Metropolitan Police spokesman said: "Following this ruling we will at last be able to re-equip our stations with lengths of rubber hose and custody sergeants with dreadful eyesight."
He added: "For years we protected the British public with a friendly smile and a size eleven shoe to the teeth. But there are many more potential terrorists these days and it can be quite difficult to know exactly who to stop and beat.
"Back in the 1970s you just waited until they ordered a pint of Guinness before hoofing them squarely in the apples and breaking their collar bone with a handy flight of stairs."
Home Office Minister David Hanson said he was disappointed the Terrorism Act had been incorrectly applied to non-brown suspects and promised new legislation to set out the precise beard length and halal-ishness of its intended targets.
Nathan Muir, a lawyer for the human rights group Liberty who represented the beatnik scum, said: "I know people are worried about the ever-increasing powers of the police, but they should try spending eight hours a day with a couple of malcontented hippies.
"I have to dry clean my suit twice a week to get rid of the stink of tofu flatulence and socialism. All my uni mates work in corporate law and are knee deep in coke, Aston Martins and high-grade poon. I'm such a loser."