Terrorists Can Hold Their Breath For 41 Days, Claims Brown

03-06-08

GORDON Brown has quashed a backbench rebellion over the detention of terror suspects after revealing that terrorists can hold their breath for exactly 41 days.

Breath-holding schools are scattered along the Pakistan-Afghanistan border

The prime minister said detention for anything less than 42 days was pointless as the terrorists would simply take a big gulp of air, sit back and smile.

Mr Brown said: "Thousands of radicalised young men are travelling to training camps in Pakistan or Afghanistan where they are taught how not to breathe.

"These fanatics then return to the UK where they plan atrocities safe in the knowledge that their breath holding skills are more than a match for British justice."

An MI5 source said: "We've tried sticking their heads under water for absolutely ages. You may as well give them a cup of tea and a newspaper."

But Tom Logan, a terror expert at the Institute for Studies, said: "The prime minister keeps saying there are 2000 active terrorists in the UK, engaged in 30 active plots.

"But the thing I don't quite get is, if the government knows for a fact there are 2000 terrorists and 30 plots, then how come there aren't 2000 terrorists in prison and no plots?"

He added: "Maybe I'm being a bit dim, but if you can count them then  – surely to Christ – you can arrest them?"

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