Traffic Slows Down To Stare At Alastair Campbell
CENTRAL London ground to a halt last night as thousands of motorists slowed down to gawp at the mangled wreckage of Alastair Campbell.
Traffic was queued around Parliament Square, up Whitehall and along the Strand, eventually causing tailbacks on the Holborn Viaduct, as Tony Blair's former spin doctor stood by every word of something that has been demonstrated, time and time again, to be comprehensively untrue.
Police used cones to establish a cordon around Mr Campbell as fire engines carrying psychiatric cutting equipment struggled to reach him through the gridlock.
Taxi driver Roy Hobbs said: "I didn't see any fire engines when I was stuck on Fleet Street. But even if they did exist, it would have taken them much longer than 45 minutes to get there."
And motorist Joanna Kramer insisted: "I don't think they could have done anything anyway. He was wedged really, really far inside this huge, twisted pile of demented bullshit."
Pedestrian Martin Bishop, who was forced to make his way home along Birdcage Walk, added: "The emergency services had arrived by the time I was walking past. I think I saw a psychiatrist standing over the wreckage, shaking his head and telling a fireman to cover it with a sheet of tarpaulin."
Eyewitness Tom Logan, a lawyer from Finsbury Park, said: "It was like it was in slow motion. All these words came tumbling out of the middle of his face and just went crashing headlong into this huge truck full of truth and sanity that was coming the other way.
"I hope no one was killed apart from 4000 troops and 100,000 Iraqi civilians."
Joanna Kramer added: "The police kept waving us on, but you know what it's like. When someone says they're proud of helping to start a massive war that was completely unnecessary, you try your hardest but you can't not look at it.
"I feel like such a ghoul."