One Woman's Week, With Karen Fenessey

21-10-10

Like you, I was utterly addicted to the Chilean miners and couldn’t tear myself away when it came to eviction night.  

Of course Florencio was the first out! He was by far the easiest on the eye. It’s true that, with the slim pickings down there, none of them was ever going to be on Chile’s Next Top Model but Florencio ticked the most boxes. It was his job to drive the debris away (current driving licence – tick) and also to make movies to send up (artistic, sensitive – tick). So it was probably in the nick of time that they winched poor Florencio out of there before the 32 rabid miners realised his husband potential as well.

But are these men really husband material? Let’s look at the facts: they all escaped the mine collapse. Of course this is a good thing in terms of survival. But let’s not forget they escaped because they weren’t actually in the mine: they were having lunch in the comfort of the refuge. It’s clear to me what we’ve got here is a bunch of slackers who were spending the bulk of their working day hanging out in the refuge making silly films, cavorting in ‘monster’ trucks and taking their tops off. As any woman knows, when you leave your man in charge of a spot of hard work – anything from cleaning blobs of piss from around the toilet bowl to digging for gold in the back garden – you will find at his three minute progress check that he has abandoned the whole thing in favour of conducting a long telephone conversation with his mother or watching Konnie Huq embarrass herself on the television.

I had no time for the miners who kept whining about the mine’s dark, sweaty conditions. Men are like fungi and actually prefer the dark. Try it with your man: see how long he will sit in a darkened living room before you finally cave in and open the curtains for him. Men do not like windows: they make them feel small and weak. Consider this the next time you’re enjoying a delicious mojito with the gals in your local All Bar One.

The final straw with these lazy Spaniards came when they left the hospital without saying a single word of thanks to us, the people who got them out of that damn pit in the first place. It’s just another in a long list of  insults to us hard-working middle classes.

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I’m hardly surprised Natasha Kaplinsky has got the boot from Channel Five. Barely a day into her position and she announced she’d need a year’s ‘maternity’ holiday. We’ve all been on the receiving end of these hormonal nuisances who pick and choose their hours and are constantly disappearing to the stationary cupboard with their bogus equipment to ‘express’. When other honest, hard working news readers are desperate for work, there’s no place for vacillating dilettantes like Kaplinsky in today’s economic climate.  

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