Columnists

Wax Attack


This week's hottest new single releases

Das Shittz - You Are Not My Daddy
The band recently reported their producer to the musical ombudsman after he bricked them up into a chimney until they got a drum snare right.

My Big Gap Year

Dispatches from Poppy Spalding

Thursday: New Orleans

'What's the biggest drag when you're at somebody's funeral listening to the priest talk mumbo jumbo for what seems like hours?'

Diana In Heaven

IT was Michael Jackson's first deathday celebration day last Friday and to be honest, it was a bigger fuck-up than that time he hung the kid over the balcony - the bloke just hasn't got a bloody clue.

Diana In Heaven

Went round to Brian Clough's to watch the England v Slovenia match the other day. Was planning to go to Don Revie's but when we got there he was charging people twenty quid to get in and had put a ban on everyone bringing in their own drinks.

One Woman's Week: Black To Basics

By Karen Fenessey

WHEN people ask me, 'Karen! Been watching the World Cup?', I always respond, 'World Cup? World Crap more like!'. Normally, Wimbledon is the only sporting date in my summer diary. For me, football has always been something played by faceless alcoholics with clammy thighs and impenetrable regional accents...

Diana In Heaven

I put a bag of my hair shavings on eBay this week – genuine stuff, and although I’m not saying where it came from, you can probably make an educated guess. Five days later and the top bid was 20p. Shocking...

Spotted!

This week's hot star sightings...
 
Unemployed South Bank Show janitor MELVYN BRAGG sitting alone in a park in West London, feeding birds from a bag of sawdust and trying to lick the tip of his own nose…

Diana In Heaven

WORST HOLIDAY EVER
So Dodi finally got that restraining order dropped that he'd taken out against me with The Big Man. Then, better still, he turns up out of the blue at my gaff with Henri Paul, the engine revving and wanting to know if I fancied going for a spin. Fuck, yeah!