The Daily Mash - Why you all buggering off to airport?

Why you all buggering off to airport?

04-09-07

By Azam Al-Maktar, shopkeeper, Basra

MY dear British friends, why you leave? You come here four year ago and say all will be great now that fat Sunni bastard in Baghdad is down hole. I stand in street and cheer. I look very much forward to being free and having aspirin and CNN. But it no happen and now you get in tank and bugger off to airport. Are you on holidays or are you having up to here with all the shit?

Four year ago I say to my friend Nouri, I say: "British are hard men, they no take any piss from Mehdi bastard. They show Mehdi bastard how it is now." Nouri say to me that Mehdi bastard have many trick up sleeve and British boys not even know why they here anyhow. Turn out Nouri right. Turn out Nouri not total shithead. Turn out Nouri is Mehdi bastard too.

Saddam, he sure was one fat Sunni bastard. But after while you get used to fat bastard and get on with life. Then shithead Saudi bastards fly plane into banks and funny little Bush blame fat Sunni bastard in Baghdad.

Saddam very like my uncle Karim. Bad temper, lot of guns but could not organise pot of tea in tea shop. He no fly plane into banks. But funny Bush still want Iraq. Nouri say to me it about oil and fat American who drive to end of street to buy food covered in cheese. Turn out Nouri right about that too. Mehdi bastard.

So Americans come and British come and they flatten post office. I no like man who work in post office but still I say, post office come in handy. Next night they come and flatten Uncle Karim's house. We found his foot. I keep shoe. Come in handy.

Then Mehdi bastards start pushing around and say we all friends with Iran. Iran! With crazy bastard president who look like driver of bus!

Before British come I walk down street, past big photo of fat Sunni bastard and buy cup of tea. Now photo of fat Sunni bastard is gone but tea shop gone too. In fact, tea shop spread over wide area. And I just want cup of tea.

So goodbye my dear British friends and thank you for killing fat Sunni bastard in Baghdad and turning my home into big stinking bag of shit. One day you come back and tell me what it all about? Yes?

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