I put a bag of my hair shavings on eBay this week â€“ genuine stuff, and although Iâ€™m not saying where it came from, you can probably make an educated guess. Five days later and the top bid was 20p. Shocking...
This week's hot star sightings...
Unemployed South Bank Show janitor MELVYN BRAGG sitting alone in a park in West London, feeding birds from a bag of sawdust and trying to lick the tip of his own noseâ€¦
WORST HOLIDAY EVER
So Dodi finally got that restraining order dropped that he'd taken out against me with The Big Man. Then, better still, he turns up out of the blue at my gaff with Henri Paul, the engine revving and wanting to know if I fancied going for a spin. Fuck, yeah!
THIS week I'm in Sao Paulo, but that doesn't matter because there is so
much going on at my hostel I don't even have time to go out. All the
folks here have got carried away with Eurovision and its shocker
By Karen Fenessey
Normally, I wouldn't dream of telling anyone how I voted, but... it was Lib Dem! (Didnâ€™t everyone?)...
Dispatches from Poppy Spalding
Monday: The Amazon
Last night I was on Amazon downloading DJ Ricoâ€™s hot new MP3 Zombie in a Comaâ€™ but today I'm in the actual Amazon!
SO there I was, walkin' the mean streets of West Hampstead with only a six-man camera crew and seven security advisors for company. By the looks I was gettin' from some of the naughty local faces â€“ Lucy, the Channel 4 documentary maker, Victor, the Classics teacher and Cameron, the web designer - I was beginnin' to feel like a Nick Love at the Cannes Film Festival.
It seems the media just can't help themselves when it comes to the Catholic Church. They'll pounce on the slightest slip-up and blow it out of all proportion. If we're not careful, this once magnificent institution, which has done so much for the people of Africa, will become nothing more than a pitiful community group like Alcoholics Anonymous or the Brownies.