Opinion
My Big Gap Year
Despatches from Poppy Spalding
Monday: Sydney, Australia
My first week on the road finds me in Sydney, which is a bit like London, only with more sun and fewer Australians.
Guest Blog: Andy Murray
MY preparation for Wimbledon hasn’t been ideal. I was forced to pull out of the Sandwich Spread Classic in Margate due to sore eyelids and then, to make matters worse, I bruised my knuckles punching a wall after my brother Jamie beat me at Swingball.
Inflation Targets? I Shit 'Em
By Mervyn King, Governor of the Bank of England
Dear Chancellor of the Cocking Exchequer,
As if I did not already have enough on my plate clearing up all your other shit, you now expect me to bend over so you can stick it right up me in public, like some tit-knobbing arse jockey, just because a loaf of bread now costs a clitting fiver. Well try publishing this, fuck-button.
Guest Blog: Chris Martin
Ooo-o-o-o-oooooh ! Your temperature was up a bit
So I just called NHS Direct
They said it’s probably a 24-hour thing
And that you should take a Nurofen and stay--yeee--yayyy in bed
Whoooahhhh! Ooooohhhh ! I also told them I have a gaping wound in my
so-o-o-o-oul, er, as well as a dull pain in my lower b-a-a-ck.
One Woman’s Week: Visions Of A Better Society
By Karen Fenessey
I’m sure many people have bad days at work but I guarantee no one has suffered the catalogue of errors that took place in my classroom yesterday. This is what happens when you take a stand against the most disgusting people in our society: RACISTS! Also, I may need an eye test.
One Woman's Week: The Art Of Conversation
By Karen Fenessey
In the hard work I do for Britain's primary schools, I battle with complicated class registers on a daily basis. But within the education system, there exists a sub-division who are more familiar with a different kind of register. I refer, of course, to 'art' teachers.
Guest Blog: Madonna
THE most awesome thing about living in the United Kingdom of England is that I can take a gentle stroll down to my local pub, The Aunt Bessie, accompanied only by my entourage of porn dwarfs, pubic hair weavers and, of course, Nimbus, the big black rabbit with red eyes, who follows me wherever I go.
One Woman's Week: You Won't Beat Me, Adolf Bannatyne
By Karen Fenessey
YOU might think when you watch Duncan Bannatyne on the BBC's Dragon’s Den program, that he is a really great guy who knows a thing or two about how to keep fit. But let me tell you: all is not as it seems in this so-called den and Mr Bannatyne is actually a tyrant who exploits the souls of innocents.