The Mash guide to the next prime minister

VINCE Cable says it could be him, Boris Johnson thinks it should be him, and Rupert Murdoch has already decided it will be Michael Gove. But what are the odds on Britain’s next leader?

Couple having Disneyland wedding 'not ready for marriage'

A COUPLE who have chosen Disneyland Paris as their wedding venue are probably not prepared for the reality of actual marriage, friends have agreed.  

Kim Jong-un totally disarmed by cutesy nickname

KIM Jong-un and his North Korean regime have been completely disarmed by his friendly new nickname of ‘Rocket Man’, it has emerged.

Man accidentally joins conversation about Mooncups

A 31 YEAR-OLD man has been left with post-traumatic stress disorder after accidentally joining female colleagues in a conversation about Mooncups.

Center Parcs is Brexit heaven, scientists confirm

CENTER Parcs is heaven for people who voted Leave, it has been confirmed.

Best laid plans of mice and men 'f**ked up by Ryanair'

THE classic Rabbie Burns poem about the ‘best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men’ has been amended to make it clear that it is Ryanair that ruins them. 

Woman who is her own harshest critic gives glowing review again

A WOMAN who claims to be highly critical of herself has decided she is doing brilliantly.

Rooney sentenced to 100 hours of supporting Everton

WAYNE Rooney has been sentenced to 100 gruelling hours of supporting Everton.

Fresher gets free condom that will stay in his wallet for next three years

A FRESHER has been given a free condom that will stay in his pocket throughout university.