Politics

Last three years retroactively classified as good times that are now over

THE past three years have been a decadent boom era that must now end, the chancellor has declared.

Jeremy Hunt weeps for ingrowing toenail sufferers

THE health secretary has wept for all the patients left to suffer ingrowing toenails by the selfishness of junior doctors. 

Conservative Party pretending it’s not completely f**ked

THE Conservative Party is continuing to pretend the EU referendum will not leave it completely and utterly f**ked.

Tories regret joining party full of horrible bastards

BITTER infighting over Europe has led Conservatives to question whether it was a good idea to join a party known for being horrible to people.

Brexit campaign baffled by its appeal to people with tinfoil hats

BREXIT campaigners are puzzled as to why the movement is attracting so many lunatic conspiracy theorists.

Office Eurosceptic admits it has lost him friends

A EUROSCEPTIC has claimed that, like Michael Gove, he has seen strong friendships crumble because of his refusal to accept the diktats of Brussels. 

Britain to leave EU because of massive, blond-haired child

BRITAIN is to set to quit the European Union because the massive, blond-haired child says so.

Panicked Michael Fallon realises he hasn’t mentioned Corbyn for nearly three hours

MICHAEL Fallon broke out in a cold sweat earlier after realising Jeremy Corbyn’s name had not passed his lips for almost three hours.