Divided nation bonds over Diane Abbott's crapness

FRIENDS and families torn apart by politics are coming together and healing over the crapness of Diane Abbott.

Man sure workmates will vote Labour after saying they're scum otherwise

A MAN is convinced colleagues share his pro-Labour views after he ranted at them about all other parties being evil scumbags.

Worried mum finds Tory manifesto stashed under son's mattress

A MOTHER has been left concerned after finding a copy of the Conservative manifesto hidden under her son's mattress.

You can help by keeping your mouth shut, Trump told

BRITAIN has responded to Donald Trump’s offer of help by suggesting he stops saying words with his mouth.

Awful thing caused by people who did it

THE people to blame for the weekend's awful events are the people who did it, it has been confirmed.

Total clusterf**k is Britain’s best hope

A HUNG parliament in which no politician can achieve any of their policy goals is what Britain is really keeping its fingers crossed for right now.

Magic Money Tree false but Enchanted Brexit Fountain real

THERE is no such thing as a Magic Money Tree, believers in the Enchanted Brexit Fountain of Prosperity have told Jeremy Corbyn.

Corbyn probably related to Guy Fawkes or something

JEREMY Corbyn is probably a distant relative of Guy Fawkes, it has been claimed.