Grant Shapps confesses to second job as The Equalizer

CONSERVATIVE chairman Grant Shapps has admitted he had a second job as a vigilante delivering street justice while an MP.

Justine Miliband not allowed in the big kitchen

ED MILIBAND'S wife is banned from the proper kitchen where he cooks flamboyant gourmet meals, it has emerged.

Britain to have only one law at a time, says Farage

NIGEL Farage wants Britain to have a rolling programme of 365 laws, each in operation for one day a year.

Free parking had better be just the f**king start, say voters

VOTERS have advised the Conservatives that they will need more than ten minutes of free parking to win the election.

TV debate must include at least two mental ones, says Cameron

THE prime minister has said he will only participate in a TV debate if there are at least two mental participants to make him look good.

Farage offers to 'vet' every immigrant

UKIP leader Nigel Farage will vet every potential immigrant to Britain, including a full medical.

Earth distances itself from Green Party

THE planet has confirmed that it does not support the Greens or want them to be encouraged.

House of Lords to trial red light chamber

THE House of Lords is to introduce a decriminalised zone where peers can prostitute themselves without fear of arrest.