Politics

Milistone thrown open to vandals

ED Miliband’s pledge tablet has been made available to anyone wanting to try their hand at obscene graffiti.

Lying to opinion polls is great fun, say voters

BRITAIN’S voters have revealed that lying about who they will vote for is hugely enjoyable.

Miliband hit on head by falling Russian spacecraft

ED Miliband has been knocked unconscious by a three-tonne Russian spacecraft which fell out of orbit.

Britain in uncontrollable schadenfreude orgy

ED Balls, George Galloway, UKIP and Vince Cable have left Britain drained after an orgy of schadenfreude.

Voters surrender to their inner bastard

MILLIONS of voters have admitted they are bastards who just want money.

All parties condemn postal voters

PARTY leaders have issued a joint statement calling postal voters a bunch of lazy bastards.

Sturgeon: England has no need to fear my reign of fire and blood

ON FRIDAY morning the SNP will become the third largest party in the UK. Oh yes.

UKIP merges with IKEA

NIGEL Farage and IKEA have formed a party called UKEA in a last-minute bid to create a majority government.