Politics

Election's off, says May

THERESA May has cancelled next week's general election after deciding it was not necessary after all. 

Corbyn is hopeless, says woman who can't remember her PIN number

A WOMAN who cannot remember a four-digit number is appalled that Jeremy Corbyn couldn’t immediately recall the cost of a complicated childcare plan.

May rebooted live on air

THE moment during last night's Paxman interview when Theresa May crashed and had to be restarted has been judged her low point by viewers.

May orders Britain to vote exactly as it would have on day she called election

THERESA May has ordered the UK electorate to vote in exact accordance with polling numbers on 18th April, the day the election was called.

Plan to confiscate gran's house and steal your inheritance strangely unpopular

A SCHEME to force the elderly to sell their homes and take away people's inheritances is oddly unpopular with voters, Tory strategists have noticed.

Man convinced politics is bullshit despite knowing sod all about it

A MAN believes all politics is bullshit but cannot give a sensible explanation of his views, it has emerged.

Corbyn victory impossible because elections 100 per cent predictable these days

JEREMY Corbyn cannot win the election because polls are always totally accurate, it has been confirmed.

Are these the arms of a supervillain? asks May

THERESA May has asked Britain if her arms look like the freakish limbs of a supervillain who chokes life from her enemies, or not.