WEEDY education secretary Michael Gove has promised to reinstate school sports funding as long as he can be picked first by the tall, healthy boy who
looks like Robert Pattinson.
LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is to restore his party to power with meat suits, eye liner and ending every sentence with the expression 'va-va'.
CASH-strapped local councils have pledged to identify the workers who are most useful and then sack them.
DAVID Cameron's enterprise czar sparked outrage last night after being absolutely right.
UNMISSABLE daytime shows like Bargain Hunt will be replaced by footage of rotating cheese in the government's latest bid to make work pay.
A GROUP of Labour MPs has written to the German government demanding a posthumous pardon for Joseph Goebbels.
THE British National Party was founded as a charity to help nurse poorly hedgehogs back to health, lawyers studying the party's constitution have found.