UKIP manifesto to be Magic Eye poster

NIGEL Farage has confirmed UKIP's general election manifesto will be printed as an optical illusion.

Single people forced to join families

UNMARRIED people are to be forced into strangers' family homes as long-lost aunts or uncles, the government has announced.

So is casual racism not allowed either? asks UKIP

UKIP has asked for clarification on whether ‘casual racism’ is the same as ‘proper racism’.

Duncan Smith hides arousal behind podium

IAIN Duncan Smith has promised more welfare cuts while concealing his groin behind a wooden podium.

Boris's butler pulling the strings

BORIS Johnson's highly capable manservant Hardwicke has advised him to stand as an MP.

Cameron’s next Muslim woman to be more stereotypical

THE next Muslim woman appointed to the government will wear the veil and walk four steps behind the prime minister.

Salmond advised against micro-kilt

ALEX Salmond's advisors are split on how much thigh he should reveal for Tuesday's televised debate.

Cameron announces tough sanctions against London

THE prime minister is to impose sanctions on Russia's wealthiest city, London.