Politics

Forget independence and settle down to eternity of rule by English twats, May tells SNP

THE Scottish Nationalists must forget independence and accept permanent rule by English twats they did not vote for, Theresa May has said.

Nothing must stop Article 50 being triggered on arbitrary date I’ve made up, says May

THE prime minister has confirmed that Article 50 must be triggered on March 15th because it is written on her kitchen calendar in pen.

Sleaford Mods overthrow government

SLEAFORD Mods have taken charge of Britain after staging a coup against the government.

Farage says Carswell has 'never really let the hate flow through him'

NIGEL Farage has accused UKIP MP Douglas Carswell of betraying the party ‘by not letting the hate flow through him’.

May gives up eating live mice for Lent

PRIME minster Theresa May is observing Lent by giving up her daily snack of six live mice.

Referendum explicitly mentioned my knighthood, insists Farage

NIGEL Farage has claimed that the UK overwhelmingly voted for him to be given a knighthood in June last year, and losers should ‘get over it’.

Farage gatecrashes couple’s film and pizza night

FORMER UKIP leader Nigel Farage invited himself to a couple’s regular film night and ate a disproportionate amount of pizza.

Corbyn admits there are serious flaws with Britain's voters

JEREMY Corbyn had admitted that Labour’s Copeland loss means they can no longer ignore the serious flaws of Britain’s electorate.