MIDDLE England has admitted the Tories are the baddies in a film, just like those lefties always claimed.
GEORGE Osborne has thanked the TaxPayers’ Alliance for its dead pensioners idea, but stressed he is ‘at least five moves ahead of them’.
THE Conservatives have chosen a statue of the Duke of Wellington riding a horse as their candidate for Mayor of London.
JEREMY Corbyn has celebrated his first two weeks of not being assassinated by the British establishment.
THE UKIP conference has voted to campaign for staying in Europe after all.
THE MAN who will one day be Britain's prime minister has smoked cannabis for the first and only time.
DAVID Cameron took part in 'dirty' rituals involving the brain and mouth of a live billionaire, it has emerged.
LABOUR spin doctors are puzzled as to how they can possibly use the pig sex thing to make David Cameron look bad.
- ‘A hooded stranger holding a pig’s head told me he could make me prime minister’
- This is all so undignified, says dead pig oral sex guy
- Britons wearily accept that their prime minister put his cock in a pig's mouth
- Scotland celebrates anniversary of nothing happening
- Corbyn-Abbott affair 'was magnificently 70s'