DAVID Cameron has pledged to take the Conservative Party back to its mentally disturbed basics.
THE UK Independence Party has launched a membership drive offering a traditional British golliwog to anyone who joins by the end of May.
NIGEL Farage has admitted conducting research into foreign female genitalia.
ED Miliband cannot even masturbate like a proper grown-up, it has been confirmed.
MEMBERS of Parliament will receive their salaries in food vouchers to prevent them wasting money on alcohol and duck houses.
DAVID Cameron has casually mentioned the names of some people who are 'really standing in Russia's way'.