Politics

Britain demands amusing prime minister

BORIS Johnson will become Prime Minister because he seems funny, it has been claimed.

Mitt Romney built from three dead Republican senators and a dog

PRESIDENTIAL hopeful Mitt Romney was constructed from four dead things, it has emerged.

Mitt Romney pledges presidency devoted to killing John Connor

REPUBLICAN candidate Mitt Romney has promised to hunt down and destroy resistance leader John Connor.

Clegg and Cameron clash over best route to Tesco

A CONFLICT over the quickest way to the supermarket is the latest rift in the ever-weakening coalition.

Fairly bright 11-year-old tipped as next chancellor

AN 11-year-old boy who is pretty good at maths and careful with money has been tipped as George Osborne’s replacement.

Cameron on severe E comedown

DAVID Cameron is in floods of tears today after having taken Ecstasy with Boris Johnson at the Olympics closing ceremony.

'Up North' to become a single constituency, vows Cameron

RADICAL boundary changes by the Conservative party will make it mathematically impossible for Labour to win an election, it has emerged.

Clegg to set more achievable goals

FOLLOWING his failure to push through House of Lords reform, Nick Clegg is to attempt less ambitious things like making roast potatoes.