Man about to be shafted by Tories somehow worried about Marxism

A MAN who is likely to suffer under a Tory government is deeply concerned about a Labour politician being a Marxist.

Bristol elects Tory mayor after most people were too stoned to vote

BRISTOL has elected a Conservative mayor because most of the city’s population was stoned and forgot to vote.

UKIP flattened like an M6 hedgehog

UKIP has been flattened in the local elections like a hedgehog under a convoy of HGVs, it has been confirmed.

I am a strong, stable, paranoid lunatic, says May

THERESA May has told the nation she is a strong, stable leader with paranoid delusions that she has enemies hidden everywhere.

Man distrusts all politicians unless they're right-wing bastards

A MAN who claims all politicians are crooks and liars trusts them implicitly if they are right-wing, it has emerged.

May offered me drugs, claims Juncker

EUROPEAN Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker claimed the prime minister offered him a range of narcotics over dinner.

May promises she won't raise VAT or call a snap election

THERESA May has pledged not to raise VAT or to call a snap general election ever.

Poll reveals no-one has ever met anyone who has taken part in a poll

THE number of people who know someone who has taken part in an opinion poll is zero, according to a new poll.