Politics

I have no idea what I have just done

AS prime minister and leader of your country, I have just done something which will have consequences completely unknown to me.

Worried Britons notice opposite of everything May says is true

THE exact opposite of anything Theresa May says is correct, concerned Britons have realised.

Jubilant Brexiters shitting themselves

BREXIT supporters are celebrating the Article 50 announcement while desperately trying to ignore all evidence that they are idiots.

Tories broke election spending laws to promote candidates who are just shit

THE Conservative Party broke campaign spending rules to promote candidates who are not worth a half-arsed, photo-copied leaflet.

Jim Davidson winning Celebrity Big Brother was first sign of rise in neo-fascism, say experts

JIM Davidson’s 2014 victory in Celebrity Big Brother was the first sign of the rise of far-right populism, experts have confirmed.

Angry queue forms behind Corbyn in canteen as he dithers over pasta bake

JEREMY Corbyn took ages in the Commons canteen as he pondered aloud whether to go for the pasta bake or the vegetarian chili.

I'm not particularly good with numbers, admits Chancellor of the Exchequer

THE Chancellor of the Exchequer has conceded that ‘numbers, money, that sort of thing’ are not his strong point.

May to tour UK telling everyone to shut the f**k up

THERESA May is to spend the next fortnight telling as many people as possible to just shut it.