May rebooted live on air

THE moment during last night's Paxman interview when Theresa May crashed and had to be restarted has been judged her low point by viewers.

May orders Britain to vote exactly as it would have on day she called election

THERESA May has ordered the UK electorate to vote in exact accordance with polling numbers on 18th April, the day the election was called.

Plan to confiscate gran's house and steal your inheritance strangely unpopular

A SCHEME to force the elderly to sell their homes and take away people's inheritances is oddly unpopular with voters, Tory strategists have noticed.

Man convinced politics is bullshit despite knowing sod all about it

A MAN believes all politics is bullshit but cannot give a sensible explanation of his views, it has emerged.

Corbyn victory impossible because elections 100 per cent predictable these days

JEREMY Corbyn cannot win the election because polls are always totally accurate, it has been confirmed.

Are these the arms of a supervillain? asks May

THERESA May has asked Britain if her arms look like the freakish limbs of a supervillain who chokes life from her enemies, or not.

All white people look alike to me, says Nuttall

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall admitted he got names wrong in the leadership debate because he cannot tell white people apart.

Don't worry, there's loads of ways around it, Tories reassure rich

THE Conservatives have reassured wealthy voters that there are loads of loopholes in their death tax and they will not lose a penny.